10 Tips to Develop a Pleasing Personality

A pleasing personality is very important to develop as we move forward in our career. It can also help us in our personal lives. In the book Believe and Achieve by W.Clement Stone he gives some great tips on developing a pleasing personality. Here are the 10 tips I liked with my take on each.

Take an inventory– The first step in developing a pleasing personality is to first be happy in your own skin. Take an inventory of all the wonderful qualities you are bestowed with. Some of the qualities you may have are self-discipline, honesty, character, integrity and passion. Even if you don’t have some of these qualities you can put together a plan to be the person who has all the qualities you desire. By dreaming of your ideal self you will steadily move towards becoming that person in reality.

Observe yourself – All top athletes replay their performance to see where they have done well and where they can improve. Similarly after each major interaction you can evaluate what you did well and what you can improve on. None of us are perfect and all of us have things we can improve. Journaling is one of the best ways to do this and keep track of your progress.

Be considerate of others – The quality of your success will be directly determined by the quality of your relationships. It is imperative that you manage up and down. Be considerate of the requirements of your boss and also work with your team by taking care of the needs of each individual. Being nice never goes out of fashion and nice people can finish first.

Be attentive – With technological distractions all around us the best way to stand out is to pay complete attention in every meeting. Put the phone in silent mode and try not to bring your laptop to a meeting. It is easy to get distracted but paying full attention to the person speaking is the best respect we offer that person.  

Maintain eye contact - It has been found that you can develop charisma by maintaining strong eye contact with the person speaking. Body language is very important when it comes to communication. If you wander your focus throughout a conversation the other person will sense a case of disinterest. So maintain eye contact with everyone in a conversation

Don’t interrupt– Most of the time when someone is speaking we are busy rehearsing our responses. Sometimes we also believe we already know what the other person is saying and we try to finish the sentences for them. However interrupting someone is very rude and shows scant respect for the other person. By all means count from 1 to 10 when you have the urge of interrupting. Once you exercise that space between stimulus and response you can exercise the necessary self-restraint to avoid interrupting.

Give credit – The only reason people leave an organization is lack of appreciation. Our job as managers or leaders is to get the most out of every individual. One of the best ways to do this is to keep giving credit whenever it is due. Never take someone else’s credit. Keep praising everyone in your team and be generous with your credit. Develop an abundance mentality and there is plenty of credit to go around.

No Bragging- Bragging is so much easier now with social media. Of course if you have done it then it is not bragging. Of course it is important in the work environment to project yourself which will show case your accomplishments. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that but in our personal lives it may be better to maintain a low key and only share our victories with our close friends who understand us for who we are.

Be magnanimous in victory and gracious in defeat – When we win we all feel great and that is the reason to go for victory. However it is good to remember that everything is temporary and so is victory. Today’s arrogance in victory may result in tomorrow’s complacency leading to defeat. The historian Arnold Toynbee said that nothing fails like success. He examined the rise and fall of twenty-six civilizations over 3000 years and he basically came with the challenge-response theory of history. When you suffer a defeat be gracious and acknowledge your opponent for winning. Resolve to be a class act in victory and defeat.

Follow the golden rule – This rule will never go out of fashion. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I would also like to say treat other people the way they want to be treated. There is no cookie cutter formula to deal with people.  Every individual is unique and understanding what makes each person tick is the key to effective communication.

Developing a pleasing personality can help us go a long way in our careers and personal lives. All of us have the ability develop these skills and once we do we will feel a lot better in the company of others.

The views expressed here are my own and do not represent my organization.