15 Keys to Resilience- Bounce back in tough times

Some years back, I read an interesting article in Time magazine on resilience, which was very detailed and informative in explaining the science behind developing resilience. Scientists use techniques like functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to look beyond their own observations of people and into the parts of their brains that govern emotion.

The article also briefly listed the top tips from experts on the subject. Here are 15 key insights on developing resilience, which can help you be at your resilient best with my take on each.

Develop a Core Set of Beliefs That Nothing Can Shake

The key to achieve this is to first have a personal mission statement for your life. Once you have that in place, you can then determine the values around which your life will revolve. Values could be kindness, integrity, honesty, courage. So even if something goes wrong, you can go back to your mission and core set of values so that you see any setbacks as temporary. This can serve as your true north as you navigate through your life. For example my mission is to maximise my potential and help others maximise theirs. As Stephen Covey said you can find your personal mission if you begin with the end in mind. Imagine you are the end of your life and write down how you want to be remembered by your family, friends and colleagues. You will find your personal mission statement with this thought provoking exercise.

Try to Find Meaning in Whatever Stressful or Traumatic Thing

The best quote related to this is by Napoleon Hill who said, “Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent benefit.” Everything happens for a reason, and if we understand that, then we can deal with the inevitable setbacks much better. The key is to bounce and not break. Every negative event has something to teach us, and once we use it as a learning mechanism to further our lives, we can overcome it. As Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Try to Maintain a Positive Outlook

It is impossible to imagine a successful person who is negative all the time. Bill Gates is someone who always has a positive outlook. He is fighting for a larger cause now, even eradicating diseases, and his foundation is doing excellent work. The key is his optimism that the world can be better than it already is. Another key to maintaining a positive outlook is to have a high appreciation for life. Count your blessings and write down everything you are grateful for in your life.

Take Cues from Someone Who Is Emotionally Resilient

The people we associate with are what psychologists call our reference group. We all know people who have overcome tremendous adversity, and we are in awe of them. I think the suggestion is to keep associating with emotionally resilient people so that you get inspired, and the qualities admired in others rub off on you. The scientific term for this is emotional contagion, so the lesson is to associate with people who are emotionally resilient for it to rub off.

Don’t Run from Things That Scare You

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” A lot of experts say pursue the things that scare you and move into your zone of discomfort. We have all been afraid of some presentations, and once it is done, it wasn’t that big of a deal. We have also dealt with everything that life has thrown at us. This understanding clearly tells us that we can overcome things if we approach them head-on and meet them with our presence. One thing that can help in this is to do the worst thing first. Start with the most difficult thing on your to-do list, and the rest of the day will go much easier. One of the keys to high self-esteem is the belief that you can handle anything that comes up in your life.

Be Quick to Reach Out for Support When Things Go Haywire

None of us can do anything alone. When we face problems, we should confide either with our spouse or a trusted confidant. The office environment is not the right place to discuss your personal problems beyond a point. Also, speaking to others enables us to soothe our emotional psyche, and we can feel better about ourselves. The key is to develop a mastermind alliance with key friends whom you can communicate with without any inhibition.

Learn New Things as Often as You Can

I like this line which says, “If you are feeling listless, make a list.” We all have a lot on our plate at work, but what about our personal lives? We should have things we want to learn and are passionate about. To increase joy in our lives, we need to do the things that make us happy. So keep learning something new every week; this reduces stress and increases joy.

Find an Exercise Regimen to Stick To

Exercise is a great stress buster. The toughest part of an exercise regimen is to get started. The problem is that with every New Year, we set some resolutions like exercising six times a week and losing 30 pounds. The issue here is that just because the calendar has changed, it doesn’t mean we are physically ready to take on the challenge. So start small by setting a goal like going to the gym three days a week, losing five pounds in two months. The point is we will stick to an exercise regimen only if we feel like we are making progress, so we need to set easy-to-reach goals to keep us motivated for the long haul. Neurological studies show that when we exert ourselves physically, we produce a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) that promotes the growth of neurons, especially in the memory regions of the brain. Science has also shown that exercise increases the three neurotransmitters, namely dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine, which increase happiness levels, reduce cravings, improve learning capacity, and eliminate stress. These are all very good reasons to stick to an exercise regimen. Of course find something that works for your specific situation.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up or Dwell on the Past

It is not the negative event that hurts us, but it is what we say to ourselves when it happens that makes a difference. Martin Seligman, who is a psychologist and part of the positive psychology movement, says that successful people talk to themselves positively. They always see the negative event as temporary and have a future-oriented mindset, which is the key to lifelong happiness. So the key is to monitor your self-talk and ensure it is more positive than negative. The other key is to be focused on the future than the past.

Recognize What Makes You Uniquely Strong and Own It

We have to realize that every person has unique strengths that have to be acknowledged. Sometimes we wait for others at work and at home to acknowledge us, but I think we should be the first ones to acknowledge ourselves. One of the things I have done is to write all my happiest moments in my life, and I have come up with 100 things and have been adding to it. Also, keep a victory log of everything that you have accomplished till now in your life. Finally, write down and keep track of all your strengths, like self-discipline, promptness, hard work, and any unique talents you may have.

Develop Adaptability to Change

Change is constant, and being flexible helps us navigate life’s ups and downs. The most resilient people adapt quickly to circumstances. With the advent of AI this is more prevalent where we need to be fast on our feet and even pivot our career if we need to. This is the age of euphemism where what you did 2 months back is no longer relevant. So be right footed and get along with the changes to be at your best.

Cultivate a Sense of Humor

Laughter is a great stress reliever and helps in dealing with difficult situations. This has to be rightly used and if you don’t think you are good at humor please don’t use it as it can backfire. This is used by some turnaround leaders to ease pressure on every one but has to be used rightly.

Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care

Learning to say no and taking care of yourself helps in avoiding burnout. This is all the more prevalent the higher the game you play the greater the stress. So keep your balance in terms of taking care of yourself while serving your ambition. As Jim Rohn said long time back it is important for the ambition to serve you than the other way around.

Stay Present

Being in the moment rather than worrying about the past or future enhances resilience. This is easier said than done but a good reminder nonetheless.

Keep Moving Forward, No Matter What

The ultimate resilience trait is persistence. No matter what happens, always take the next step. This is what we all need to do to build rock solid resilience. Keep going ahead and you are never out till the end. Once we remember that we can put our best foot forward by taking the next logical step.

If we follow the above guidelines, we can overcome any setbacks in our lives and develop rock-solid resilience. The resilience we build can help stay in the game longer and with lesser stress.

The views expressed here are my own and do not represent my organization.